I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
