I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
