I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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