If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
