if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
