its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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