Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
