I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
