God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
