I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
