My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
