So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
