The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
