I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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