my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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