Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
