You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
