I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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