Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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