I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
