so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
