i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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