You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
