Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
