you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
