I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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