Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
