Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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