You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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