he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
