i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
People in love make me want to vomit
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
