please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
