glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
