Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
