i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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