We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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