why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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