Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
