Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize