do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i think i have two assholes
she peed on how many people?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize