Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
