I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
