Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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