I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This house was built for laser tag.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
