im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
