I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
