im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
