like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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