I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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