It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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