Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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