I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
