I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
