whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Randomize
