im six kinds of drunk right now
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hippo gnu deer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
