i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
