i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
