a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
