I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
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