yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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