its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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