My brain says no but my pants say off.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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