i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's never too late to be topless.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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