I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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