don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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