He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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