moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
